December 2013 – Soltahr Tiv-Amanda, MA, LPC

Ritual as Healer for Trauma

Many years ago when I first read writings by Starhawk, she spoke of ritual as reaching our child self. It is my contention as a therapist, that a great amount of work can be done around trauma when we are able to touch into the deeper self that is affected by trauma.

I have had a number of clients over the years who have described events in their childhood or after, and were surprised, yet relieved, to finally have come to understand that what happened to them was a form of trauma. Generally speaking, when we speak of trauma, many think that it is always cataclysmic–such as witnessing a murder, being involved in a war, or an automobile accident. Yet, it is often something that may seem simple, such as a scolding by a parent, being made fun of by other kids, or not feeling supported in our dreams and desires.

To work with Trauma, there are, in Transpersonal thought, many components to consider. I have come to utilize Starhawk’s idea with this thought to understand that there is, to begin with, a physical component–the trauma gets stored in the body, and not necessarily where it may have happened, but sometimes in other places. It’s my experience that most sadness and pain are stored near the heart. Fears are often in the belly or the “gut”. Any sort of sexual abuse may be anywhere, and is often a full body experience that the person may need some sort of physical exercise to work with. One person I worked with would jump up and down and shake their body, sort of like you see boxers doing before a fight. Oddly, it is often a “battle” that is raging in the body of the person that needs to be pushed out through movement–dancing, running, punching a bag, whatever the person feels the most comfortable with.

We are our mind. Often, in trauma, we are deluged with a number of thoughts that may be intrusive, thoughts of what happened, how it happened, why and where. These thoughts can be problematic if the person is unable to let them go, or they turn into what we call–“flashbacks”, or pictures/recurrences of the original trauma(s) that may pop into the mind at any given time. It is important that the thoughts be redirected, or that they be worked with in some way. I often suggest various practices that will help to lessen or eradicate the intrusiveness of them. For some, writing works, for others, drawing, painting, clay, or something creative with the hands.

We are emotions. We have feelings that are attached to the incidences of trauma. When trauma happens in childhood, there is much that gets caught up in it. If parents or family are the abusers, there is a lack of trust and most often a fear of those who are in authority. There may be feelings of abandonment if one parent was the abuser, and the other either wasn’t there, didn’t know, or did nothing to protect the young one from the abuse. There will also be feelings of sadness and loss around the childhood that was thwarted. These feelings may be even stronger, than the incidents that caused the trauma in the first place. it is not my point to make this sound simplistic–it is not, as each of the family members involved have their part in what has happened, it is often very complex, and may involve much in the way of time and energy to allow the healing to begin and move forward.

In Transpersonal thought, there is the addition of “spirit”. By this term, I mean the inner self, the part of the self that lives on after it leaves the body at death. During life, the spirit is often wounded as well. Our spirit is where our sense of drive and forward movement comes from. It is where we hold our desires and dreams, and is the part that is easily wounded, as each new spirit that comes into the world comes in pure and clear. A young spirit can be broken by being pressured to do something it doesn’t want to, or by being forced to accept life conditions that are painful or scary. Healing the spirit requires a different sort of work. The young self may feel very lost and alone. It may involve calling forth ancestors or helping spirits. This work is best done in a setting that is different from the usual therapy session, and in my opinion works best in sacred space.

As a priestess, I have performed probably hundreds of rituals during my 30 years as a purveyor of the sacred and the divine. A number of these rituals have been during and part of a therapy session, as it has been a way to help some to come to grips with all that has happened to them.

Ritual, in my estimation, has been a powerful way to create openings in the healing work, to acknowledge the desire to heal, and to celebrate the work that has been accomplished. Each person’s ritual/ceremony will be different, depending on what has happened to them, and how they have been coping with it all along. Trauma affects the spirit in many ways, to bring forth the greatest healing will look different for each person. They often wish to first let go of whatever they deem no longer needed from their painful past. From there, given that the letting go has created a vacuum, they may wish to find symbols, or representations of their healing and newly found strength to bring into themselves as they move forward. Beyond that, there is often closure that may be needed for them to come to, so they can effectively finish that chapter of their lives, and begin to move on in new ways.

Trauma is so much a part of our culture it requires a great deal of will and desire to begin healing from it. What I have set forth is a model from work I’ve been doing over the years with many individuals. If you contact me, you will see what I can offer you, in light of what you need to work with. I offer a safe space, a place of power, where one can take their life back from whatever has been in the way or keeping them from living as fully as they wish to. I also offer, along with ritual, a place of hope, a circle where other beings, helper spirits and ancestors can communicate their support and presence. Depending on the trauma, this process may take time, but I am here to offer hope that it can be overcome.

Back to the Light

In driving around town, I notice that many churches have a little saying on theiroutside bulletin board that says: “Jesus is the reason for the season”. It happens each year, and I’ve in the past, felt a little angry about it. This year I found myself not caring so much. I think because I have come to a place a great peace around my spirituality, who I am, and how I view life and its circularity.

Way back in history, when Christianity was asserting itself as the “new religion”, it was necessry to supplant the “olde religion” in order for it to gain in power as it is today. A part of that movement was to literally “take over” the various holidays of the Olde Religion’s wheel of year, so that people would return to church, rather than holding their rites in the woods or on hilltops–the ancient Pagans, of course, believing that there is a need to return to and revere nature in order to feel close to the divine. When I speak of ancient peoples, I speak of the Indigenous, as well as the many cultures that were in existence all over the world when this “new religion” began to take over. You can find that there were indeed Pagan “like” belief systems in many parts of the world dating back, at the very least, 30,000 years.

I don’t want to get off on a long tangent about early religion, cultural beliefs, etc. I simply want to point out that the very ancient peoples followed the cycles and seasons of Mother Earth, the Moon and the Sun. They saw that all of these cycles were interconnected and interrelated. So, as we who still hold to these ancient belief systems, we are aware that from the Summer Solstice, to the Winter Solstice, the days have been getting shorter, and the nights longer. The Winter Solstice, sometimes called “Long Night” or “Longest Night” by some, is just and is simply that. We get together to celebrate the rebirth of the Sun. It is no less joyful to us, and in our celebrations, we include many of the same symbols that have always appeared at this time of year, and with all of the ancient meanings attached.

The Evergreen tree is one of the trees that doesn’t die in the Winter, thus reminding us of life eternal, or spirit eternal, cycling in and cycling out, over and over, on and on since the beginning. Candles and lights on Evergreen trees remind us that the light is returning to us, and we shine our own lights to welcome this return. Stars, symbols of the Sun, caroling, and other merrymaking are very apropos to this time.

So, in light of this information, truly, while the birth of the Christ child was placed at this time of year, the season doesn’t belong to just the Christians. There are many of us who do not adhere to the idea that there is only one reason for this season. We are open enough, and joyful enough at the return of the Sun’s light, that we feel it’s perfectly ok, for many cultures and religious or spiritual groups to celebrate the rebirth of the Sun, in whatever way they choose. All we ask is for them to remember that our beliefs predate Christianity, and that we have as much right to proclaim this season as we wish to.

Into the Dark…

Always at this time of year, I am moved to introspection of myself, as well as realizing that this time of year can be difficult for many. I have always seen the time after Samhain (Halloween—October 31^st) as being the time of the deepest darkness, until Yule comes around with it’s joyful time of the light’s return. My work with myself is about looking at my shadow self, and coming to more deeply understand what is lurking in there that may need to be brought forth into the light for careful examination. This year, I have found parts of my self that were always there, but I wasn’t able to access them truly until now. I found that as I move into my crone years, I must learn to trust my own power—the power I have worked for and from for most all of my adult life.

Many hear the word “power” and automatically think of the systems and/or people who dominate our lives. These systems have been spoken of as “power over”. This is not what I am speaking of here. I am speaking of “power from within”, the personal power we can all have when we learn to be fearless about being truly and deeply all that we are. In other words, when we are able understand, handle and be with our own personal power, we are then able to have a sense of sincere continuity with those around us. Systems and people that require power over others are always doing some sort of damage to those they try/wish/need to control. This damage has lasting effects that often take years to heal.

I’ve been a therapist now for 14 years. As I have walked this path, I have learned much along the way. Thanks to my many clients, I’ve learned to become more intuitive, as I’ve studied my clients, their traumas, their fears, the parenting they received, and the way that this all has manifested as they’ve come into adulthood. I’ve learned to walk with people into their darkness. Though, it is never easy to walk there with them, it is still amazing to me and filled with a continual fascination around human behavior and how we all process the experiences of our lives, and how they come to effect us into our adult years. I admit, it is not always an easy journey, but one that I treasure, as the goal or final destination is always some sort of healing.

Having been able to navigate my own darkness has further facilitated my ability to go with my clients wherever they might need to go. I had to begin by learning about who I am, and what is lurking in my own dark places. I learned about the points along the way where I have had to face down demons—most often of my own making, in order to find my own self again. There were demons who threatened me with their fangs and their growling, they’d even get right into my face, hoping to get me to back up, back off, and go away. Yet I stayed, hung right in there, stared them down, moved toward them, until finally I could walk right through or past them without the fear I thought I’d have. Those moments are always invigorating. This kind of work is what Trungpa, from my Naropa days would have called “fearlessness”. It is this fearlessness that has carried me through much in my life. It is this that has allowed me to help others to find and face down their own demons.

So, as I sit with others, facing their demons with them, I can sit there in a strong place, a peaceful place, a safe place. I can do this because they need me to. This is my work. My family thought me strange to want to go into work where I’d be listening to other people’s problems. Yet, I love what I do. I have yet to lose the fascination I’ve always felt for the workings of the human mind and emotions. I have come to be amazed at the things a being can endure, and the amount of healing that can occur when one truly wants to. I have also allowed myself to be challenged to sit with those who were mired so deeply in their own muck, that they had a hard time being able to reach even one finger out to the dry ground that might help them begin to pull themselves out. Yet, over time, I watched in wonder as they slowly began to be able to start moving themselves from their muck to some kind of wholeness on the shore.

I’ve watched others in pain so profound they couldn’t lift up their heads to see the light that was right there in front of them. I am wise enough to know that I can not carry anyone—but I can lighten their load by listening and helping to weave a rope of strength, that they can tie around their waist in order to allow them to move, hand over hand, as they pull themselves to shore.

I still hold a great deal of wonder at the resilience of the human spirit, and it’s desire to heal, even from some of the most traumatic situations one could ever imagine. I learned that the ability to heal from tremendous trauma often depends on whether the person had a “touchstone”–someone in their lives who had a positive and loving influence who helped them to know that they were truly and ultimately okay. With a touchstone, one is able to have safety and a place where they could see clearly and truly that they were not what was wrong in their world.

My Naropa training was the magic that I learned to be able to work in the way that I do. I would also point to my first teacher Gary Butler “MoonHawk”, who helped me to start my own process of healing by teaching me ways of healing that are still unfolding from my psyche, where I’m sure he planted them years ago. He passed between the veil almost 4 years ago, I miss him greatly.

From my Naropa training, we were taught first of all how to meditate, how to sit there on the cushion, day after day and learn to sit with ourselves—which required us to sit with the crazy machinations of our own minds—often called “monkey mind”. If we can sit with our own minds, we could eventually be able to sit with anything that anyone brought to us, no matter how awful, scary or painful it might be. If we could sit with whatever anyone brought us, we might actually be of some help to them. The meditation also taught us how to simply breathe, “go back to the breath, go back to the breath”, I can hear my teachers saying. If I am in a place of fear, panic, confusion, or whatever, I’m aware of how easy it would be to let those things take me away, so, I go back to my breathing.

My program at Naropa mandated that we also have therapy themselves, so that we could become highly and necessarily aware of our own issues and traumas. If we know ourselves, we know what our limits are–what we can hold and how much. W we know when we are triggered, and how to still sit with our client until we have time to do our own processing, We know what parts of our clients might be hard to look at, and how to just sit there and hold their work in a loving circle of therapeutic healing.

We also learned that we must be able to go where our client needs to go. We need to be able to be right there with them, wherever they are—without our own agenda, our own values, or our own ideas of how they need to heal. This also helps us to step back and truly see who they are without our own stuff getting in the way.

We heard a story once about the Dalai Lama, when he was asked about “low self esteem” through his translators. He apparently had to answer that clear that they do not have a name for “low self esteem” in their culture because everyone is wanted and valued from the moment they are born until the moment of death. There is no place where people are made to feel “less than” or “not ok” as we often are in this culture. Most of the clients I see in therapy have some degree of pain around feeling that they are not “good enough”. Much of our work is about helping them to find the light inside of themselves that will show them, not only through and out of their own darkness, but also help them to learn self-love. I am convinced that underneath much of what we term “mental illness” is often a way that people are pushed to, because of the lack of something in their lives so basic as unconditional love. And what more is unconditional love but the sense that one is loved no matter what they look like, what they do or have done, what color they are, or how they choose to live their lives. I am yearning for more unconditional love to penetrate all cultures, all around the world. It is my fantasy that I will be out of work, because each person will be loved from the beginning of their lives, an all the way through until the end. It is also my fantasy that each person will always feel loved, valued, important, and that they will always remember that they are a part of the eternal flow of life, no matter from where they have come.