Month: May 2014

A few weeks ago, my former Mother-in-law passed on, then, a few weeks later, I got news, via Facebook that a very dear friend and former teacher of mine–Lynn Johnson, had passed away peacefully in her sleep. I am grateful that I had gotten to see her a couple of months ago. She’d written me a few weeks back saying that we needed to get together for lunch again, and spend more time with each other…this never happened. Today, a priestess I never met, but who was a part of my spiritual community–Morning Glory Zell-Ravenhart passed to Summerland. For years now, I have been sort of holding my breath as I hear of yet another passing of someone in my world, known or unknown, distant or close…

I find myself experiencing a grief that seems unending, deeper than what I may have experienced at other times in my life. With my friend Lynn, I was struck with such sadness, because there was still so much I wanted to talk to her about, so much I’d wanted to ask her about her own healing work, as she was one of two of the most amazing teachers  and healers that I’ve known in my life. Her partner Gary “Moonhawk” Butler was the other–he had passed on 4 years ago.

I have been left with such a feeling of aloneness and emptiness. I realized that in my life, despite how many people seem to “know” me, I have few very deep friendships, very few people I can call on when I’m in need, or just want to talk. Lynn had moved to Denver from Colorado Springs a few months ago, I was so glad to know that she was near. I had great hopes of calling her more often. We’d both even joked that as introverts, we found it hard to reach out to others. Apparently this is a major problem that I need to look at, if it keeps me from connecting with people I love, and that they are passing from this life without my finding a way to see them or even just hear their voices.

I think there are people in our lives who, while not related by blood, are of our spiritual family. We have traveled around together for lifetimes, meeting again and again and doing the work we have been chosen/asked to do. I hesitate to think of myself in the caliber of Lynn and Gary as a healer, though it’s hard to guage, given that I have  chosen psychotherapy as my main healing modality. As I grow older, I have noticed my skills and my intuition deepening and becoming stronger. I hoped there was more that Lynn and I could have shared. 

Growing up , as I have in this culture, finding others of like mind and spirit who are loving, gentle and kind has been a treasure, and what seems in my mind, to be rare. I’m not shallow or closed off, I couldn’t do my work if I were that way. It’s simply that I’ve become highly intuitive and aware of the “vibe” that each person puts out. I know within moments when there are people I want to get close to, or not. I couldn’t tell you how I know. As a kinesthetic, I feel a person out, I notice how they move, how they look at me, how they speak to me, how they speak to others, how they just–are. So for me, finding “my people” has been a beautiful thing. This musing about death has become ongoing–as it would be at this point in life.  The elders didn’t tell us about this part of getting older–but then, how could they describe it, and how could a young person understand it?

As I look back on what I wrote a few days ago, I feel that I am moving along. I still get very sad when I think of Lynn and my ancestors. Yet, they are there for me. It may sound strange, but they speak to me, they are around me when I feel lost or sad, or anxious about life. I think perhaps, the elders didn’t want to scare young people by telling stories about how you begin to feel the other side more clearly, more surely. The other night, I had a dream of my Aunt Dodie, who passed on in 2001.  I was hugging and kissing her, and feeling that I’d never thought I’d be able to do that again. Perhaps it is preparation–I don’t know, I don’t know…

What I do know is that it helps me to speak of my journey, and in writing about it, I can somehow make more sense of it. In the end, I won’t truly know , until I pass between the veils, and well, it will be what it will be…

In the early 1990’s in Colorado Springs, the Amendment 2 battle was waged. For those who may not have been in Colorado at that time–it was a proposed amendment by a right wing Christian group to allow for the discrimination against GLBT folks. Sadly, it was passed by “popular” vote, though later was struck down, through the brave and fearless efforts of a number of folks who were willing to be party to a lawsuit (one such person was an amazing woman who happened to be a Methodist minister and teacher at Naropa–Priscilla Inkpen–who passed on a few years ago.

In the aftermath of that battle (in which many people were hurt) a number of the non right wing groups got together and formed an ecumenical council. Another priestess and I joined the group, and what happened during that year of healing was priceless to me. We purposely went around to each of the various “churches” learning about each others ways and practices.

I was struck by the openness and welcoming that each of the participants showed to each other when they were the host of the meeting. We got to tour parts of a Mormon temple, open our hearts by singing “HU” with the Eckankar folks, and sat in the pews of the Methodist and UU Churches. It was truly precious to me however to see all of these folks gathered in our circle in “The Grove” we Pagans met in. While some looked a tad uncomfortable, there was joy, healing, and understanding bursting forth in abundance.

Oddly, there was no proselytizing or anyone touting their path as the “one true and right way”. I letf Colorado Springs after a year in the group, but that time remains in my heart as a special time. We got to know each other as individuals and as equals, as well as being able to dispel rumors and misunderstandings about all of our various ways. Of course, it was clear to me and to others as well that we wouldn’t be joining each others’ path, but it was important work. Inherent in that work was the importance of explaining in depth what our belief systems were, and the various intricacies and importance to us, of our vastly diverse practices. Through those explanations and teachings I now have a respect for those groups that I may have gotten any other way.

I have been quietly visiting various of the open Earth based groups in town, and have felt welcomed and joyful at the discovery of similarities and differences in how we work. I have learned much, and hope to learn more before the journey is through. I have, through my time visiting with the Lakota at Pine Ridge been able to witness small parts of their ways, and came away with a well of respect and gratitude for who the First Nations of this country are. I came away with no need to delve further than I was offered, and of course, no need to take anything from them that was not mine to take.

Last evening I learned a harsh lesson that I cannot assume that we are alike in ALL ways. Being a part of various groups and trained to follow a certain adamant belief about sacred space and that one must not enter it late unless there is an allowance for an outrider who will “cut” you in . So, assuming this practice to be the same, I sadly missed the rite and sharing with folks, as I sat in my car outside–having only the information that I could come for the “fellowship” after. I later learned that I could have just come on in at any point, and it would have been ok. This wasn’t explicit to me ahead of time, and I wouldn’t have known.

On the positive side though, I got to sit with a “note to self” to ask/implore that we find ways to come to deeper understanding with each other as groups and as individuals. I got to learn about the amazing and deep practices of two women at the gathering who happen to be sisters, who have studied their tradition in depth. One is a Bard and storyteller, who proceeded to share with me a story from one of her books–complete with voice inflections and even natural special effects! As she w as telling the story, the wind came up at just the right point in the story, and as her story came to a close, the wind settled. I get goose bumps now as I remember that moment. And while I wasn’t able to be there for the rites, I was treated to a very special gift of story that I will now–never forget…

I realize that not all groups are open. I’m also aware that many religious/spiritual groups are closed because they have been taken from without the rich contextual information that goes with any set of practices.

Many years ago, I learned about what was called by this particular Native American individual–“the rejoining of the Sacred Hoop”. Our world will not be set aright until we begin/learn to put down the weapons of derision and misunderstanding, and seek for ways to come together. No one path is truly or really any better/lower/less than any other, as it is important to those who practice it.

I think that we are here to find ways to connect more deeply to the divine, in whatever form we see or feel it. with an inner awareness, that we too are a part of all that is divine. There will be no peace until the Sacred Hoop is rejoined, and we are all the ones to make that happen.