My post about authenticity brought forth a nasty, lengthy 10 text diatribe from a younger white person I barely know, who only a few weeks ago said they felt “lucky to be learning from me”. They took exception to the idea of mentioning authenticity and Naropa in the same sentence. I will not justify my experience, but I will say this: We as humans take from any experience what we want to get out of it. We can always choose to leave a bad situation, and as a woman of color, I have on numerous occasions done just that. To question my validity and authenticity is the deepest form of racism, and is a great display of white privilege and white supremacy.
We always get to choose what and how we will learn. My time at Naropa was love/hate. Once a student I chose to finish out my time there, though it was one of the more painful and yet enriching learning experiences I’ve ever had and paid deeply for on many levels.
During my time as student, there were no teachers in my department who looked like me, the employees of color elsewhere in the school who did, most often left, due to burnout, despite the fact that there are numbers of white teachers who’ve been there since the school was founded.
As a staff and faculty for 12 years chose to push forth the idea of making sure that future counselors learned how to work with people of other cultures. I taught the so-called multicultural counseling classes both in the classroom and online.
I got to see Cultural Appropriation on full display all around me–African Drumming and African Dance classes, Hindu chanting, Japanese flower arranging, Native American classes, all taught by white folks. At one point, they even asked me to write a Cultural Appropriation policy that never went anywhere, because no one was willing to enforce it. I learned very well what Cultural Appropriation looks like, and to ask those who wish to follow Gods of Black, Brown, Red and Yellow people to do their homework about those cultures ought not be viewed as an insult but as a reasonable and practical request. To find a way to give back to those cultures would be even better. If as a white person you take exception with this simple request, then what are you really doing? You are buying into and taking part in centuries of colonization and genocide.
Each day in my classes, I was disrespected, demeaned, called out, called a liar, and treated in ways that no one would ever treat a white teacher. I helped to form a support group for faculty and staff of color, so that we could share these experiences and get much needed support from each other. My time at Naropa was no picnic, and I continously worked at taking all the lemons I was handed and making for myself, my life, my children, my students and everyone who knows me, a gigantic pitcher of delicious lemonade. I continue to drink deep.
Because and in spite of all of these experiences, I grew and grew, and oddly was appreciated for my work by being named Student of the Year when I graduated, Teacher of the Year before I left, and was named one of the “Women of Naropa” because a group of young women students noticed that all the pictures on the walls of Naropa were of white men. Yes, Naropa was a male establishment for many years, though founded by a wise teacher from Tibet, himself a person of color. He empowered many white teachers, and hence Naropa’s reputation for putting forth “white Buddhism”. I will always remember the words of a friend from Japan who also went to Naropa: “I don’t know what they think they’re doing, I was born Buddhist!”
Authentic? You bet I am. I came out of Naropa with many tools to make me a good counselor because I figured out how I could use what I was taught to my advantage and to help People of Color and LGBTQ folks to be seen, heard and listened to. I learned through and in spite of deep and continuous adversity. They called Naropa a place of “Crazy Wisdom”, well, it nearly drove me crazy, but now as an elder, I’m damn wise.
I still get contacted on occasion by students of color that I helped get through the horrors of being made to feel that they were crazy simply because they were people of color. I talked numbers of Transgender and Gay students down from suicide. I am slowly watching the flames of my rage die down from the level of white privilege and superiority shown me by someone who barely knows me, and somehow thought that they could use the reputation of my alma mater to make me feel as if I was deluded and therefore inauthentic, when In reality I saw very, painfully and clearly what Naropa was truly about.
I choose to use what I learned to continue to grow myself and to keep teaching others who want to understand and be more authentic in their spiritual practices and in their lives.
I do not have to justify myself to anyone. I end relationships brutally and quickly with people who disrespect me, my culture, the cultures of other folks of color, or LGBTQ folks. This writing has helped me to calm my fire. What I’m left with is a deep sense of sadness for a world where people of color are still suspect, and are not seen for who we are inside and valued for the innate knowledge and wisdom we carry by virtue of our history and what we deal with every moment we live in America. I know that I came here for a reason, and Naropa was just a part of my journey to wholeness. I work hard at walking my talk, ask anyone who truly knows me.
As an aside, in recent months, I have met various challenges to my personhood. Being who I am, while it has been hard to go through, I am still growing and learning, though truly tired of being hit with the white supremacy and racism that has been a part of my life since the day I was born. White people, do your work, and stop attacking people of color with your bigotry and ignorance because you feel guilty for not taking the time to learn about us, as we have to learn about you every day. At this point in time, there is truly no acceptable excuse or reason for you to keep up this painful charade–you’re hurting us all.