I’ve had some interesting conversations with various young folk in the last few weeks, and I want to write a few words, and hope they stick in various ways.
One said that we old folks are “crotchety”(cranky and or ill tempered). Well hmm. Yes, sometimes we are. I would have said the same thing about the elders I knew as a young person. What I didn’t know then, that I know now is that there are reasons. One, and the most compelling is that we have lived a really long time, and at some points, no matter how much we may have enjoyed life, there is a certain level of impatience, exhaustion, sadness, and pain that has been endured, over and over again. As a Black woman, this is multiplied, by virtue of what I’ve been through and still go through each day. I’m not complaining, I’m stating a fact.
Respect. Wow, I was lucky to have been raised by elder women, so, I learned very early and very quickly how to respect and love my elders. I was shocked to have one young person ask to see me and expect that I would travel from Longmont down to Denver when he wanted me to, just so he could talk to me. He said he didn’t have a car but was used to riding the bus, but has yet to ever actually step foot onto one to come see me. Others have somehow thought that because I am on disability, I am “free” to meet with them whenever they want, and actually attempt to become demanding of my time and want me to show up here or there when they want me to. Another, had the audacity to ask that I drive to the other side of the state to hang out with he and his family when they came in from out of state–on my dime, I might add.
Don’t–just don’t, demand such things of any elder, be respectful of their time, their space and their being. Ask kindly for time and don’t come empty handed–bring food, take them to lunch or dinner, offer gifts, do whatever you can to make sure that they have your deepest and utmost respect. Don’t expect that you will get to sit at their feet and partake of their worldly and hard earned wisdom for free!
Finally, I refuse to listen anymore when I hear younger folks asking–“where have all the elders gone?” as if we simply disappeared like the flowers in the fields. I spoke above of some very valid reasons why we might not be around. Though most of all, know that without any warning, we could be gone–just like that. So if you’ve thought to check up on us–do it. If you’ve wondered if we’re ok? Send that text, make that call, because we could be sick, we could be on our way out. Not all of us whine on Facebook about our various ailments–I’m one of those who doesn’t. So, check in–that is, if you really do care.